Gregor Cuzak

on marketing, business and philosophy

Maybe baby


It’s been another one. Another ride down the abyss. The depression.

It’s been with me for more than, or maybe about 20 years. It comes very 18 months, sometimes skipping a beat, sometimes a bit late, but then she comes again.

She’s a friend. Though it’s hard to be friends with something as debilitating as a depression. Anyhow her regularity, and everything happening after she goes is so valuable that it’s hard not to see a friend in her.

It’s been many years since I realised that it’s not the depression that is my problem. A bigger one, much bigger one is my mania, though my therapist Leonida claimed it never was a true mania, more of a hypomania. It the high period the rush is so strong I burn, burn with the speed of the Sun. I think that people around me get what’s going on, I think they see how great I am, what a genius, yet more often than not it’s only later that I discover my manic phases don’t produce genius, nor do the depressions make me an idiot, though I feel like one in each one of them. The internal storm is so much stronger.

Now, at 43 it’s the first time ever that I accept depression. It’s for the first that I don’t think I can beat it. I can’t. What I do hope is that I can make it milder. That I can burn less now, because now I do burn.

And that’s all for now. If you wish to discuss this, if you feel you need to tell me something about yourself, if you need help, I can offer it for now. Comment or write me an email, it’s a gregor@ and the blog domain.

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