Change of personality is a rare, extremely rare thing. But I did change.
As you could have read on this blog, I have been through many experiences, personal and business wise. Some claim that what they see in it is amazing, others believe I’m just a bluff, a show-off and a charlatan. I’m very grateful to the few who told me that I’m the latter. The reason for my gratitude to them is in the fact that those comments are very rare. It’s not that the balance of my life is so much more on the side of being stellar, but that comments in the negative are many, yet very seldomly find their way to my ears. Most of those comments stay safely hidden as rumours. I’m sure there are many about me too.
Anyone, me included, needs the positive comments also. These affirmations keep us going. I did need to hear from Claire in Berlin that I would change the global company I was in at that time. I did need to hear from Dragan in Piran, that I would be a great man sometimes, but that I would have a long period of very hard personal time. That has lasted over 20 years. I also did need to hear from Darko that I saved one of the most successful ecommerce companies in Slovenia from bankruptcy.
The change has been gradual throughout my adult life, however the last two or three years have been significantly more intense in that aspect.
Today I’m much calmer, I’m capable of being extremely focused, I think things out and yet at the same time I can explode, I’m often very aggresive, I show my contempt if necessary. A few people who know me better say that it’s very hard to discern whether I am serious or whether I’m joking. To this I reply both.
There are many aspects of this, some of which are really hard to explain. I practically never fight people’s opinions. They are, as they are. Not accepting these opionions seems so stupid to me that I don’t understand why I was opposing these in the past. You should let people be as they are, not as you wish them to be. I don’t look for agreement between people. I can disagree with someone but very easily work with them still. And be very productive. I don’t like working with people whom I dislike. I love working with people who are sympathic to me. I almost fall in love with the latter. If someone is antipathic to me, I avoid them at all cost, even when I know they could provide a solution for me. I rather wait. And I use time as a tool. I never used to do that in the past. I’m willing to wait now. When I call someone and if there’s no answer I can wait. If there’s a question that needs to be answered I don’t rush to answer it, I first want to understand the time by which the answer should be provided. I’m not nervous anymore. The stress is a fantastic tool, but it does not make me nervous, I just observe my stress very carefully. Stress means I have to wait. It usually brings answers as soon as it subsides. I often ignore the words spoken to me, I focus on the melody, the tone, the feeling instead. I like to enjoy people around me. I hope they enjoy me. I feel that if I make people happy, that that is the best guarantee that they will come back to talk to me again, which will also provide the business opportunities that I need. In business I don’t follow the money, I follow challenge. The money is a requirement of hygene, not the criterium to go for a job. I do want to earn good money. I am very confident. I know that knowing the right information at the right time is not enough, I have to have the guts to tell, to act in the right moment. I’m not afraid of other people’s reactions. I used to change my tone depending on who I was speaking to, not intentionally, it came on its own, because I felt inferior to some, and superior to others. I don’t do that anymore. I speak, or at least I try to speak to everyone in the same tone. I’m now studying how to be even more goal oriented. I can very often predict what people will do next, I’m ready for it. I’d now like to go even further. The journey is getting more and more interesting. The challenges are rising. I’m ready.